Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
