I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
