yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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