He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
