awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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