1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
