You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
