I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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