I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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