I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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