Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
