Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
