May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
