God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
