to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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