After last night, I could never be a politician.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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