I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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