Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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