she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
