just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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