I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
