I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
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