fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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