tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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