and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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