Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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