I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
