She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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