just come out here and I will go home with you...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
