Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
