I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
