Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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