the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
they call him Oral-B. enough said
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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