either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
