the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
