I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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