Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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