i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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