yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
