So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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