a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i think i just lost a toe
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