shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
