Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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