I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize