fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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