So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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