i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
