his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
