I think I died a long time ago.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
