mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
