Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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