I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
