Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
