im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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