Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can you bring me the toilet please
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
