I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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