zippers are such a cool invention
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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