i think my tv is drunk
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
