I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
