I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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