We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize