Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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