I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we made out on top of his cat.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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