can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
