So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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