Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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