Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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