So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
