You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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