I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
