remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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