After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
