we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
