at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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