So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
