The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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