I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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