One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
