My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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