Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
