you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
being pregnant is like rehab
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
