If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
