MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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