The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
