I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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