Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
