I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
only if we run a train.
done.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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