So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
