Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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