12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
