Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
